The days here in Southern California are fickle; going back and forth from overcast and drizzle to bright blue skies and sunshine. As I write this, I feel quite and still, trying not to give in to some discomfort in my body. Every day is day to day and I am thankful that for a good while now I have felt okay and not have had to make an ER appearance. Monday was another endoscopy with a new GI and so far, what the results tell me are: evidence of Grade I relux esophagitis of the esophagus. The mucose apperared granular. Evidence of erosive gastritis of the antrum. The mucosa appreared granular and erythematous. Evidence of nonerosive gastritis of the antrum. The mucosa appeared granular and erythematous. The duodenum appeared normal. I meet with the GI again in early June to go over the biopsy results and take it from there.
My intent in this post was not to start off with this subject, so I apologize. Life is a mixture of so many things and though I do want to share all the good in my life (like most people do) there are shadows that lurk here too. This issue with my health is definitely one of them and in my attempt to always be real with myself and others, I share it here.
With that said, I move on to the subject of things that make me happy. I am deeply devoted to my daughter as most mothers are to their children. There are obvious reasons why she is dear to me but I am also grateful just to have her. I am not sure if we will ever have another child again, not that we don't want to. All these issues add up and it can be very discouraging to know that this might be the extent of our family. Those times when I feel the pang of wanting more children, I just look at the one I have been so graciously given and I am thankful. It amazes me how much she wants to be with me and wants to be like me. I am doing my best to hold on to every moment since there very well may be the day when she won't want the similarities anymore. For now I am grateful when she wants our tuesday movies (and/or games and spa) sleepover nights (just her and I, no daddy!) and when I rummage through her backpack and find her sweet little hand drawings of momma's favorite: owls.
Recently, in an email. I found out that Fresh & Easy Neighborhood Markets is having a contest. It's design the best bag ever and the winner of the contest gets free groceries for a year! I thought it would be fun to enter in, even though I know there will be thousands of amazing entries most likely. Nat was thrilled too, until she found out she could not participate because she is not old enough. That knowledge came as a blow and she was devasted. While consoling here, my brain was already trying to come out with what I would submit but that didn't last long. To ease her pain of not being able to draw something herself, she quickly came up with an idea for me to draw to enter in. How could I say no? I told her I would do this in her honor, to show her creativity through my drawing. Of course, her idea including an owl, a tree and a reusable bag. Here is her sketch she did for me and after is the final resuly I am submitting to the contest.
I finished this last night while having our movie night in her room. She approved and gave suggestions (the color of the owl for example). She also wanted to include a eight point star above the owl and I traced over it for her. I am proud to submit this in and though I prepared her that we might not win (because she is sure we are) and told her the fun is in that we did it together. These are the little things that hold me up. Her enthusiam and her wanting to be a part of everything that I am. I pray every day for her and that the ties that bind us together will never be severed or damaged. I know she is becoming her own person with every day and I want to encourage her in that way but there is nothing like her fondness to be like me and like all the things I like too.
As I wipe tears of joy off my face, I also wanted to share a couple of new things. I am putting it here not only to share, but to keep myself accountable for discipline. I have had the idea of littlebighead opening up another shop on etsy for awhile. A place to extend my love for the natural world of herbs, tea and more folklore ideas. A place to also serve the 'business' that Nat wants to have with me to sell our own blends of teas and herbal products. Awhile ago we agreed on the name Kindly Owl Herbs and I used it for my second twitter, herb and flower. I've held off on this idea for awhile with various other things taking precedent but now it's returned, thanks to the encouragement of my friend Helena. I won't say too much (yet) but we are currently collaborating on a line for both our shops (kindly owl and hers at faunfare) that I am pretty excited about. I am thankful for her organization and drive because it is certainly helping me out :) So more about this project as it continues in growth and in execution.
For now, I wish everyone a blessed day. I have domestic duties, artistic endeavors and a commission job all waiting for me...